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Mercenaries

In an effort to make more money (The Boss doesn't pay well), some of my demonic friends have offered to guard web pages.  If you have a website, and think you're qualified to hire one of these otherworldly guardians, let me know and I'll tell you if you're worthy, Sub Creature!

[ note: When you are approved to hire a mercenary, you get a full picture...and you are not guaranteed to be approved! S'don't come whinin' t'me if you aren't! ]

 

Talon: Disembowel First, Ask Questions Later
HIRED!
Talon is a very agile and powerful warrior, and his specialty is melee combat.  He'll gladly rend any interlopers limb from limb, but don't ask him to do it 'with a smile'.  He hates that.  

"Disembowel first, ask questions later."

Pyre: Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just Me?

Pyre is sensual succubus, who will beguile any enemy, lull them into a sense of security, and dispose of them slowly, feeding off their life force.  Whatever you do, don't leave her alone with your significant other - old habits die hard.

"Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

Ooglorblax: Ogdru Sug Abal, Rama!

Ooglorblax is a very...unique demon.  His specialty is causing discord and chaos, and he delights in driving your un-wanted guests insane.  Only if threatened will he attack with his deadly teeth.

"Ogdru Sug Abal, Rama!"

Mr. Hookman: ...
Hired!
Mr. Hookman is probably the best assassin in the Underworld, and has a broad clientele.  He's quick, quiet, and efficient...flamers, beware!

"..."

Now why would I want a demon to guard my web page? Forget it!